October 11, 2016

Birth story take 2

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Ok, here is the disclaimer again, as per the first birth story. If you are here for some fashion inspo, please enjoy the view above and scroll down further to see the credits and where to shop this look. If you are here for my birth story take 2, read on…

Before I had Will, I was so scared about having a cesarean, I put a call out to everyone I knew who had one to share their experience with me. I did this so I could prepare myself mentally and physically as googling and reading books didn’t do it for me, I wanted the real stuff!I hope me sharing my cesarean experience with you will help, inspire and relate to you in some way, just like all the stories and advice I received from others helped me.

My alarm was set for 4:45am, my suitcase was packed, my clothes laid out and my camera placed on top of my suitcase (as this was the only thing I would be allowed to take into surgery with me apart from my iPhone) oh and my husband! I jumped in the shower and washed that big old pregnant belly for the last time. Luckily my hair was freshly blow waved, my lashes were lusciously filled and my brows and nails were manicured to perfection. I did all this the day before, I only needed to put on my foundation and my trademark liquid eyeliner as I knew there wouldn’t be any sweating for me this time to get this baby boy out. I can’t really describe how I was feeling, it was kind of like a fake feeling of calm, I almost think that I made myself believe I was calm so I wouldn’t think about how important this day was and what was going to happen in under four hours time. I took one last photo in the mirror of my 39 week baby bump, put my comfy pants, breastfeeding singlet and cardigan on, kissed my sleeping toddler on the head and jumped into the car with my husband (I must add, we had my mother in law sleep over to mind Aston!)

As the sun was rising, the roads leading to the city were free flowing we got to the hospital within 15 minutes. Entering the hospital I noticed the cafe was already open so I forced Josh to eat something as I knew he wouldn’t have the opportunity to eat for several hours, as for me? I had been fasting since 10pm the night before and couldn’t even take a sip of water -that sucked! As Josh ate his food, I paced up and down the corridors of the hospital, praying and trying not to think that I had to go to the toilet! Sorry, but it’s true, I was so nervous! We checked into the day surgery, that was so weird “Oh hey, I am here to get cut open and get my baby out.” What was that? Fill this form in and sit down in the waiting room and wait til’ I am called in like I am at the dentist? OK seriously, it felt like it all wasn’t really happening. I got called in not long after and within 20 minutes Josh and I were dressed in our sexy blue scrubs, I don’t want no scrub! This was it, it was all happening. Then, my ray of sunshine came into the room, no, not my baby yet, it was the famous Midwife Cath, the best person to enter my life in 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. She was at my surgery to hold my hand, take photos and keep me calm and this is exactly what she did, you will find out soon.

I walked into surgery in a not so chic dressing gown with my bum exposed and a hair cap on. I just couldn’t believe that I was willingly walking myself into surgery, that was just weird but I had my midwife by my side, as for Josh? Where the bloody hell did he go? I walked into this bright lit sterile room that had a table in the middle of the room that they told me to get up on, I hesitated, “You are going to get cut open on this table” said my head, “The table in which you will receive your precious baby” said some other part of my head or perhaps it was the voice of Cath? I was shaking and taking my mind to another place as the anesthetist  (who was not Patrick from Offspring, waaaaa!) got me to curl up into the fetal position (how ironic) as he told me step by step what he was doing to paralyze my lower half of my body.  This was the part I was most scared of as I thought it would be excruciating and potentially life threatening, that’s why I didn’t have an epidural with my first labour. As I listened to the anesthetist, I just continued squeezing and squeezing Cath’s hand, her calm voice reassuring me all was OK. Once my body felt like I was stepping into a hot bath (as the anesthetist describe it would and he was right!) My legs! I can’t feel my legs! Worst feeling ever! I was rolled onto my back, a screen went up and before I knew it, my obstetrician, Len Kliman (another ‘best thing to happen to me in 2013?) was on his merry way doing his thing to get my baby out and then I realised, Josh wasn’t with me! “Where is my husband???” Did they forget him?  He was rushed in and whipped out his iPhone just as I told him and started showing me photos from an album I made on his phone just for this day. As photos of Aston smiling, the beach at Noosa and images of the babies nursery flashed before my eyes, to take my mind away from what was actually happening, I hear “he has hair!” Oh em gee, this is it! Don’t get scared now! The theatre crowd goes wild, the obstetrician, the ob’s assistant, the pediatrician, the anesthetist and who ever else was bloody in there were excited as the head came out, then the body and then… “Oooohh he is weeing!” (yep, apparently he came out weeing) All I wanted to hear was his… oh wait, there it is “waaa waaaaa” – a cry! What a relief!

Len flashed my little boy’s face to me over the screen between me and my long gone belly. “My baby, my baby, I just had a baby!” My heart melted, it was like I was in another realm or something, words can’t describe that moment without me calling it ‘that moment’. I continued to cry, a joyful, loving cry, alone as everyone nicked off and watched the baby get weighed and cleaned up, I lay there whaling “I just had a baby, I had a baby” gosh, I was in that moment of pure love and joy and disbelief that I could be so lucky to have this baby.

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William (Will) Jeremiah (after his great grandfather) Dempsey came into my life on Thursday the 10th of April. When he was finally brought to me and I held him for the first time, it was like I had known him forever compared to the first time I held Aston (second time is a treat!). I immediately saw Aston’s face in Will’s and I spoke to him and told him how much I loved him and how much his dad and brother did too. Then, I felt sick. Josh took Will off me and the anesthetist pumped something into my drip. After that I couldn’t hold my baby for three hours. My body went into shock, I was on all these drugs, I was shaking all over and I was cold. In recovery I wasn’t good, they had to put a hot air blanket on me and give me pain killers, the main reason for this I think was because I couldn’t feel my legs and I didn’t like this, oh and because I just had surgery!!!! Luckly Josh was holding baby Will the whole time next to me in recovery as I think I would have been hysterical if they left me.

In my hospital room, my legs started to get the feeling back and I fed my baby. From that moment I was fine, without going into too much detail, once I walked again, had a shower and ate some food, I was back to me and loving every second. I swung back into newborn mumma mode and it was a pleasure feeding my baby whenever he needed. I put him into the nursery at night which gave me time to recover and sleep, the nurses just gave him formula for the two feeds I would miss and have him back around 5:30am. If you asked me immediately after the cesarean if I preferred a vaginal birth or a c-section I would have said vaginal but if you asked me later that day, I would say c-section all the way. Side note- I had a cesarean this time because my episiotomy the first time didn’t heal properly and if I had another I could risk severe damage to the area.

PS- please keep all negative opinions about my birth choices, formula feeding choices etc to yourself xo

 

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Top: Bardot / Jeans: Bardot / Bag: Chanel / Mules: Forever New / Choker: Forever New

PHOTOGRAPHY: KATIE FERGUS / MU+H: MISS AIMMEY

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